First USA / Bank One

Sorry, but I haven't had time to scan the agreement yet.

Stay tuned...

The good news is that I do have a copy of the registered mail that I sent to them BEFORE they called me for the last time. I think the fact that I could tell them who signed for the letter was the deciding factor in not putting up a fight. Anyway, here it is:
Telemarketing Division
First Chicago
PO Box 2008
Elgin, IL 60121

Telemarketing Division
Bank One
PO Box 8650
Wilmington, DE 19899

To Whom it May Concern:

I am sending the same letter to both Bank One and First Chicago, since in today's business culture of bank buyouts, you are in the spotlight of buying each other out this month. It is of no concern to me which bank eats the other. The result is the same decline in service and respect for the customer, so you can eat each other from here to eternity as far as I'm concerned.

I am writing because I received a telemarketing call from someone who had difficulty reading the script from the screen, which only proves the level of esteem in which you hold your customers/victims. No, it is not the fact that the telemarketer was bumbling which caused me consternation--it is the fact that the telemarketer was telemarketing ME.

Part of the script which he slipped by me as nonchalantly as a high school freshman trying to remove his date's brassiere for the first time said that he thanked me for business in the past. I found that odd, since I had never before heard of the National Bank of Detroit. Well, Watson, after a bit of elementary detective work, it turns out that my trusted checking account at First Chicago is apparently how they got my name. I don't know how the National Bank of Detroit fits into your incestuous relationship of eating each other, but I want no part.

Let me be perfectly clear in case you weren't paying attention:

I want no part of any of your telemarketing schemes, whether they are internal or external. I don't care what "legal" definitions you use. I know what the definition of the word "is" is. Telemarketing "is" telemarketing regardless of whether you sell my name to an outside company or you give my name to a telemarketing firm because you have a warm and personal relationship with another sleazy company. And it "is" still telemarketing if you are trying to sell me some crap that I don't want, and for which I haven't given you permission to solicit me.

If that wasn't clear enough, try the following:

The Telephone Consumer Protection Act of 1991 states that for every call I receive after requesting a stop to telemarketing will cost you $500 plus collection fees. This is for those "accidental" calls that seem to somehow "slip through the system." Intentional calls are $1500 plus collection fees apiece. But I'm sure you already know this. I bet you've played this game before. Good--I have, too.

That is why I'm letting both Bank One and First Chicago know that I won't tolerate any more telemarketing calls that originate from either bank. This means both before and after the merger. Additionally, I would like you to pass my request to any other entities with whom you may or may not have such an incestuous relationship like the one with National Bank of Detroit. Please pass my request up the ladder of corporate ownership and down. Don't forget the lateral ladder, either. If I can trace the source of a telemarketing call to you, you WILL be hearing from my attorney, and he won't be as friendly, understanding, and forgiving as I am.

I currently have a checking and a savings account with First Chicago. I would think that information, combined with my name and address should be all you need to find my records and make the appropriate notations, since that's all the telemarketers needed. However, if you need any more information in order to carry out my request, please don't hesitate to send me a letter.


Brian Clark

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